hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
