By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
