My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
