Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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