Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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