She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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