I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize