He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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