He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my poor anus
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
