i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
