I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
