guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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