Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
