What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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