Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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