White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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