My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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