He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
