I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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