New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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