even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
