and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
