is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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