I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize