Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
