My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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