did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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