She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
