I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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