this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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