Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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