Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
