I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
