If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
