Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
