the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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