Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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