why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
