Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
