I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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