If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize