It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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