my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
