When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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