i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
