I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
