So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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