I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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