just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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