Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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