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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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