Me too!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
