its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
