you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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