You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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