I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
