Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
