Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
