During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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