I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Never underestimate the power of titties
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
