he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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