I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Randomize
