before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
