If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
