i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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