what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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