Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize