I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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